Just how to Have Lesbian Sex The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How do you have lesbian intercourse? We have asked this question constantly from lesbians of all ages that haven’t had lesbian sex and are generally concerned they do not understand “how.” Really, tune in: appreciating intercourse is not about memorizing 16 roles or knowing the greatest perspective to shag from, taking pleasure in lesbian sex is actually half-animal half-heart and just hardly ever features it had gotten anything to carry out with your logical mind, or cognitive reasoning, or any such thing a person could reveal or anything you could keep reading online.

And while it really is true that one day you’re going to be more confident and seasoned than you’re today, it is also true that the human body came into this world knowing how to have sex like it was created focusing on how to consume. Your first time doesn’t have getting an issue, some of us cannot also bear in mind our first instances. Alternately, if you’d like that it is an issue, it can be. But in the long run every companion differs from the others — entirely, totally, completely different — through the next.
Just what exactly could we reveal, actually

Nonetheless — likewise, a lot of us remember some time when lesbian sex decided fumbling, or improv, trying to play a sport we don’t realize, like badminton. Or a sport everybody thought we should be proficient at but we weren’t. Meanwhile, others remember moving into bed and instinctually being aware what accomplish from the moment of entry. Many had intercourse with men inside our kids and don’t bang a lady ’til all of our mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies yet again. Therefore we can know how you might feel a tiny bit better knowing a little before you take the dive.

Ladies’ sex, let alone queer sexuality, is normally dismissed by gender ed programs. Even though a lot of heteros discover sex together within very early adolescents, a lot of lesbians you should not begin that very early and/or aren’t peer socialized inside sexual world like straights are, as well as that our whole news society is actually structured about and obsessed with heterosexual gender.

Therefore we’re gonna get back to tips. But even as we compose this blog post, we are a little worried that individuals don’t have any drilling idea that which we’re speaing frankly about. Hopefully to open up a dialogue for

commenters to express their tales and encounters as well as for every person to inquire about questions!


This blog post (originally written in 2010 and mainly unaltered from that time) centers on lesbian gender between cisgender ladies, although normally largely relevant to gender between any a couple with vulvas, and filled up with fantastic advice for anyone having sex with anyone who has a vulva. The vocabulary in this article, unlike a great deal of our sex material, reflects that mostly for Search Engine Optimization purposes. But trans ladies are women and the majority of definitely have lesbian gender, and you can review several of our very own numerous some tips on that on these posts:
Simple Tips To Have Lesbian Intercourse With A Trans Girl
F*cking Trans Women
Harnesses for Trans Ladies

Pre-Game Your Own Lesbian Sex


When you yourself have a vulva while want to know how to generate someone with a vulva feel great, you’ve got the benefit of utilizing yourself for an examination subject — not too exactly what pleases you certainly will please your partner, but it’s a-start. Most likely you and your showerhead have been familiar with this since youth, however if you are not used to genital stimulation or a new comer to orgasming, listed here is
how-to masturbate like a champ.
While you’re at it,
discover tips get a vibrator

Being a skilled masturbator will help you be a fruitful lover above all else you could ever perform, ever. You won’t just know-how your spouse can kindly you, however you will involve some concept of just how to kindly all of them.

Added Bonus:

Touching your self with your denim jeans and lingerie on (you can unzip the trousers, but don’t take all of them down) might-be great training for your time to

Twilight Total Eclipse Of the Sunlight



If you are turned on, you may feel warm or flushed. Your own nipples will get erect, the clitoris and vulva will swell due to enhanced blood circulation. Inside your human body, the top of the vagina will increase.


Take a look at your own insides. The surface of everybody’s vulva is actually a brand new region, nevertheless insides tend to be reasonably comparable to each other, so it’s a great sneak peek when you yourself have one.


If you have one, examine your vadge into the mirror. I’m sure you’re read through this and consider “OH the GOD I WOULD NEVER” rather than exercise. Get over your self. Put
a screwing mirror
betwixt your legs to see your shit!

Understand The Vaginal Condition, For Those Who Have One

First circumstances initial: individuals frequently use the phase “vagina” whenever talking about the feminine genital region, which actually isn’t correct. Ideal phase for your external genital area is actually “vulva.” The snatch is within you, hooking up the vulva toward cervix. Here Is
the article from Teen Vogue that enters all the information about anatomy

Now you’re resting here along with your mirror, let us discuss the physiology of a cisgender female’s vulva.


Your own clit consists of the glans/head (many sensitive and painful part with 6,000-8,000 neurological endings), the hood (which drapes throughout the glans) therefore the shaft (which will be normally 1.9 cm in length). Some clits tend to be bigger than other people, and most females can orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Labia Majora:

All of them end up being your “pussy lip area.” After That,
the labia minora
are the asymmetrical fine folds of softy spongy erecticle muscle in the labia majora. Some labia minoras increase through the majoras many are put away inside the house. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras is the first place for which you’ll observe that
all women’s vagina appears different than another’s


: your own genital entry is actually below your clitoris and urethral orifice (aka in which the urine happens). Vaginal tissue is actually elastic, you could have heard that babies leave it and fists may go in it. Almost all of the neurological endings come into the outer 3rd in the snatch (simply put: don’t be concerned about having small arms, its nbd).

so many different vulvas highlighted within pussy artwork by jamie mccatney


Place a little finger in your vagina. Today generate a “come hither” movement towards top wall of your own snatch. Would you believe place with a texture unlike anything else’s consistency? It’s a sponge towards sized a bean that fills with bloodstream during arousal, straight in front of your own womb. Some ladies find g-spot arousal too rigorous, some hate it, some enjoy it, some can orgasm from it, several can female ejaculate from this.



The flat location within pudendal cleft as well as the anus. Some ladies look for this particular area intimately sensitive and painful. Slangily known as “the taint” ’cause it ain’t the genitals plus it isn’t the asshole.

Brushing for Lesbian Intercourse


Can help you practically anything you desire with your locks, although removing it completely
enables you to susceptible to problems
and it can end up being really itchy! Listed Here Is
some stats in your hair removal habits

Pointers if you are going to remove some tresses:

  • If you have the cash as well as the time, laser treatment is the best way of getting reduce your hair in this area for your long-lasting. It really is generally speaking mentioned that hair laser removal increases results on lighter epidermis hues, but
    thankfully this is certainly changing
  • For most people, waxing may be the best/cheapest option to “clean up” without ingrowns. According to the skin tone and awareness, waxing may turn your skin a pleasant color of crimson for every single day, therefore itinerary appropriately. We suggest getting it accomplished by a professional, but if you want to DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    low priced and simple for newbies
    and so so is this package from
  • If you should be shaving, you might get upset significant razor burn which sometimes appears to be plenty of purple bumps all around your neighborhood.
    Bikini Zone will allow you to using this
  • In the event that you shave a couple of days before setting up, whoever decreases on you will feel just like these are generally sticking their particular face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Be sure that nails are since quick that you can and effortlessly recorded. If you have lengthy nails or acrylics,
discover how to have sexual intercourse safely without having to sacrifice them
. Keepin constantly your hands mega-extra-super-duper-clean is key. Play it extra-safe by utilizing some helpful
latex or nitrile gloves


All of you, your vagina smells best just the method it is! Cannot douche or elsewhere try to infuse your own pussy with fields of marigolds. It’ll have a stronger odor for those who haven’t showered or have gotten actually flushed, that is certainly good. (Sidenote: the lingering scent of this lady on your fingertips = secret). However, in the event your snatch smells therefore pungently fishy your partner can smell it within pants from across the room,
it’s likely you have BV
and may
go see a gynecologist

Performing The Lesbian Sex

To be truthful, we kinda don’t want you to definitely peruse this. We wish one to must figure it for yourself, like we performed! All of you, it’s so fun and also you arrive at end up being nude or half-naked with another woman! Appropriate?! gender are the best when you stop thinking and let yourself consider individually!

Additionally no less than 1,000 sex guidelines we could offer you throughout your own love life, but now we’re gonna stay really



vanilla extract



Just ’cause you are both girls does not mean just what feels very good to you will feel good to her. You both can show what’s operating and what’sn’t through terms, sounds, or real feedback. Do not be embarrassed to inquire about concerns or volunteer everything you fancy. Its like Hot/Cold game, but nude and much more slippery! Claiming “what do you like” is completely something we perform. Therefore is chuckling.
I encourage countless laughing

Lesbian Sex Foreplay

There is a large number of circumstances going on in the body region for people to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and using those body parts is actually enjoyable AND a sensible way to get lubed up before any type drive genital get in touch with happens (in the event that’s what you need). Some individuals can orgasm from arousal of different body parts besides the vadge, also. (when it’s your own or your lover’s very first time being penetrated, do not choose the
jackhammer fuck within five minutes of the first tongue hug, simplicity into that crap!)

Manual Clitoral Arousal

This is an excellent place to start. Fairly self-explanatory. Once more, some people will need the hand to become a dildo many will simply want to be moved with severe delicacy. Know by asking!

Oral gender is really so amazing
this very nearly is like cheating. Like happened to be lips built to get there, or perhaps is that one thing mankind determined on its own? Per constantly, err privately of delicate. This will be “teasing” or “how she likes it,” according to woman. This can also be paired with fucking/g-spot pleasure, but we are beginning straightforward now, thus, again, enjoy yourself. Often when you yourself have human anatomy image issues, getting consumed can make you feel truly uncovered. Thus close your own eyes, things are ok. Also keep in mind to
rehearse much safer gender with dental dams


While in doubt, begin slow/soft/delicate and build as much as as fast/hard as she wants it. Make Certain she’s damp prior to trying entrance —
lube is an excellent method to try this
. Next:

+ Start with your index finger within a bit, then right in following bring in an extra hand if she wishes. (Then a third if she desires, etc etc) cannot go too fast, provide her time to answer.

+ watch in which your own various other hands tend to be! If you have your index/middle fingers inside their, can be your thumbnail searching into her inner leg? Look at the crap.

+ Some females don’t want to end up being penetrated for assorted factors, such as vexation, gender identification or gender phrase,
and/or an inclination for some sexual role
(such as “we bang you, that you don’t shag me personally.”) In the event that’s you and your spouse will get in this location, politely move the woman hand and tell the lady for which you do desire to be handled (or you’d somewhat reach the woman).


Now, keeping the hand down the woman shorts and up her canal might be the first impulse, or it’s everything’ve seen on

The L Word

, but that’s just one of a lot magical ways local girls fuck some other ladies. You will discover 365 approaches to fundamentally dried out hump (you


keep your underwear on because of this, it could be simpler, but please perform take-off the shirt, because that’s more enjoyable). You can generally wipe through to any element of her body or scrub vadge-to-vadge literally for the remainder of your lifetime.

A Lot More Sources For Great Lesbian Gender:

More You Know

  • TRY NOT TO TRY NOT TO compare parts of the body

    . Comments are excellent! But forgo the urge to add an assessment of your own areas on your go with relating to her parts. ‘Your [part] can be so more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you are working with non-gender-conforming individuals it’s better to ask before starting up what is actually fine and understandingn’t. Same for coping with gender complying folks!
  • You have got the right to feel as well as comfy, consequently
    is key and therefore is
    much safer sex
    — kindly get a check-up and speak to your partner about any STIs you or she might have before leaping into bed.
  • Whether you are 16 or 36, you are not “BEHIND.” As a result of the patriarchy, it’ll take you about 15 moments to obtain info on the typical get older from which heterosexual people lose their unique V-Cards (16-17), but no such investigation exists for lesbians as far as we are able to inform. So we’ve accomplished a casual review of Team Autostraddle, and is a poor sample populace because all of us are under 35 and demonstrably “out” sufficient to end up being


    Group Autostraddle very, we imagine, probably much more sexually knowledgeable versus typical lesbian keep. Regardless, by age and 12 months of “virginity loss”:

Among all of our completely non-representative trial sized queer ladies, the common age for “our first-time” is 19.4.

Relevant Listings

Body Parts that could be erogenous OR no-fly zones:

+ ears

+ neck

+ erect nipples

+ inner thighs

+ legs

+ hands

+ butt

+ little of this back

Many people Do many Men And Women Cannot:

+ desire to be penetrated

+ climax from penetration

+ climax

+ incorporate sex toys into sex

+ enjoy g-spot stimulation

+ need handbook clitorial pleasure to orgasm

+ prefer clitorial arousal AND genital penetration to climax

+ delight in anal entrance or
butt plugs
consuming butt

+ usage

+ climax anyway

+ recognize as

+ fantasize while having sex

+ determine as either a ”
” or a ”

+ determine as either “butch” or “femme”

+ wish to be nude during sex

+ want the lighting on during intercourse

+ like it rough

have actually an STI

+ wanna

Items That Can Happen The First Time And Include Absolutely Fine:

and actually drenching your whole sleep (it is not urine, we pledge) (also, it really is amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ unintentionally cutting/lacerating the pussy (
this happens to outdated benefits, as well
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ Not being

Getting injured

+ Tensing up while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast conditions

+ Having 30+ mins to climax

+ your own arm acquiring worn out

+ Crying

+ Chuckling

+ Thoughts

+ No thoughts

+ maybe not feeling like whole world changed

+ Feeling like the whole world changed

+ Feeling as you’re on a whole new degree of closeness together with your lover

+ Not appreciating it

Try not to be as well goal-oriented. Many people you should not arrive the 1st time — a lot of people do not arrive frequently during intercourse whatsoever! If neither people do, there is gonna be a minute as soon as you feel you’re accomplished anyway, like the encounter has ended, hence might feel strange, but it is perhaps not odd, it occurs. Stop once you’d stop any actually tiring activity — whenever you you should not feel like it any longer. Simply laugh and perhaps remain nude and kiss and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians love to cuddle. Or ask her to display you the way she becomes herself down and vice versa — common masturbation is a great backup arrange for when you both desire to appear but cannot apparently obtain it now. And it also’s hot to look at to see just what she really does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Sex Bible

A lot more practices and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer women that approaches the topic with humor and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex Community

: The address of this publication is really so strange and 90s, but you can download it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s really — it’s simply FUN. It’s super sex-positive and warrants to become a cult regular of the lesbian publication world starting today.


The Whole Lesbian Intercourse Book: A Separate Guide for people

, by Felice Newman: The classic. Buy it, learn it, live it, love it.


Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: I guess you do not know any thing concerning the Joyride, tongue-and-groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, Girl Wrap or Velvet line, carry out ya? You could change that.


Getting Off: A Lady’s Help Guide To Masturbation

: From sex writer and self pleasure expert Jayme Waxman.


Our anatomical bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a fresh Period

: make contact with the womynhood.


The newest Lesbian Sex Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with GENUINE LIVE LESBIANS about their intercourse lives, gets the impact of reminding you that there is lots of lesbians online having sex and it’s really not simply both you and your partner(s) within teeny small community from the ocean.


Treatment Sex: A Mind-Body Way Of Treatment Sexual Shock

: “The most important encouraging, sex-positive guide for many ladies survivors of sexual attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and single — who want to recover their own gender physical lives.”



Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational intercourse positive feminists whose dialogue on sexuality and feminism entertains and educates while delving inside Politics of Women’s Sexuality.” Includes
a collection of “how-to” video clips
for assorted intimate acts, such as “first-time lesbian sex.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“whatever you previously desired to {know about|learn about|find out about|un